If you asked me about leaving the traditional life for the unconventional life, a new life in a new country, no set 9-5, making a living from different, constantly changing income streams so we have more time to play, I’d say it’s fulfilling, fun, and worth it.
But if you asked me on a deeper level… I’d say the doubt gets me sometimes. I’d say sometimes I watch my peers seemingly become more legit as they take on the mortgages and have the white dress weddings, and sometimes I wonder if I’ve strayed too far off the track—if I could ever get back on that path again even if I wanted to, or if I’m too far gone into this unconventional life.
I’d say the years seem to pull past faster, and there are so many women I’ve lost and am losing, purely because I’ve missed so many birthdays, engagements, new babies, promotions over so many years that there’s not really many strings to stitch together a friendship anymore. I will say, though, there will be a few that endure no matter how much time has passed. You could rock up on their doorstep in five years’ time, and it would be a soft, homecoming ‘there you are!’ Not ‘where the f*ck have you been?!’ Keep those ones for life. And stop feeling bad that it’s been so long between texts. They get it.
I’d say some days I get through being so far from my family by remembering life comes in chapters. Though we can never take more time in the future for granted, I hope my chapters living alongside them—dropping in for a 1-hour coffee instead of having to take 24 hours of flights to see them—are still in the book plan, even if they’re not right now. Our chapter is coming.
I would say after so many years feeling like I was living outside my life, like my true life was happening somewhere else and I was just biding my time, there is no better feeling than waking up and feeling like I am directly inside my life, and it is immediate and happening and real. This feeling comes from doing the activities I want to do that make my heart sing; surfing, biking, writing. Arranging our lives in a way that maybe we have or buy less, but have more time with our son to play and explore. It comes from finding people I can fully express myself with, a readership I fully express myself to, and a business that grows with me, pushes me to be creative and resourceful, and develops grit. It comes from the adrenaline of the somewhat chaotic background of life in Guatemala, and testing myself against this backdrop of an unconventional life. I feel alive.
I would say this thing that we can live in a culture but it’s not ours, is bullshit. After 8 years living overseas in El Salvador and Guatemala, so many cultural tics are in my blood. When I travel and hear the lilt of Spanish from someone in public, my heart recognizes it as my people. When I return to Australia, I see how I’ve changed my mind on so many things. But when I hear an Aussie in Central America, my heart does the same thing. My people. Becoming a weird mishmash of cultures can be hard because it can feel like you belong nowhere, but that’s just the price of this unconventional life. You become made up of every place you’ve been and every person you’ve met, and actually, that is your superpower.
I would say as with everything, there is sacrifice, and maybe 20-22-year-old me made some wacko choices (as every 20-22-year-old should). But one damn good choice she made was deciding the life she was living was not a good fit for her, getting on a plane, and starting again somewhere else. If you feel like the life you’re living is not your own, the pace of your life does not reflect your gait and heartbeat, if you’re not doing anything that makes you fired up and excited, if you’re not having the conversations you want to have, and if you feel like you’re squeezing yourself into spaces three times too small just to fit in—there is another way. Trust yourself to make changes and go after what it is that sets you on fire in this unconventional life.
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