Finding Your Tribe

 If you’re here it’s probably because, like us, at some stage you found yourself searching for a little somethin’ somethin’ more out of this life. As spiritual teacher Ram Dass explained to a crowd in San Francisco over forty years ago, sometimes this thing happens in your lifetime, and the veil that had always been over your eyes is lifted just a bit. You stick your nose through, peek out with one eye and say:

“Wow. [this life] isn’t like I thought it was at all. I’m not who I think I am.”

At some point you started to question some stuff; is there perhaps more than one ‘right’ way for me to live a great life? I’m starting to realise happiness doesn’t come from external sources and now I’m re-evaluating everything I’ve been taught- what’s that about? What if I don’t want to stay and work in the same place my whole life? What if I want to play? I feel like I’m on a different planet to the people around me. When I’m in a crowd of people, I still feel alone- what gives?

You woke up, that’s what gives. And now you can’t go back to sleep. And now the world that once fit you as comfortably as the tshirt you sleep in now feels kind of …off.

And now you have to find your tribe.

According to CEO of the loneliness institute Sean Sleepersad, one way to measure loneliness is to compare the social interactions we’re CURRENTLY having against the social interactions we WANT to be having. If we want to be having nice times at drinks on aSaturday night with lighthearted conversation and we’re having just that- happy days! However if those are the social interactions we’re having but what we want is something different, perhaps some good old fashioned, one on one, sober soul-sharing, we can feel alone even when we’re in a room jam-packed with people.

We have to surround ourselves with people who want the same social interactions as us. Deep thinkers, raw souls, adventurous spirits, mad lovers. People who understand why you’d pick being dirt-poor with a passport full of stamps over being rich with a bangin’ apartment anyday.

I was in a relationship for three years with a boyfriend I adored. But while I wanted to pick apart the meaning of life as the sun went down every night, he wanted to switch off and just enjoy the small fraction of time in which he didn’t have to be the high-achieving uni student/ dutiful son and grandson/ futsal teammate and all the other roles the day required of him. While I wanted nothing more than to book a one-way ticket out of Perth, Australia and run across the world chasing the divine without a plan, he wanted to put in the hard yards and build a solid foundation for his future. His values pointed towards taking logical next steps, nice times with old friends and family, and excelling at any given task. My values pointed towards exploration, freedom, abundance and self-actualisation.

Yes, every relationship needs compromise, but he deserved to be surrounded by people who didn’t make him feel like his life goals were lacking in some way. I deserved to be around people who didn’t make me feel like I was a restless, overthinking hippie. Compromising squished both our wings, made us half-people. And life’s too short to be squish-winged half-people. We all deserve to feel like our thoughts and dreams and values are totally okay and actually quite a magical asset to the world.

The difference between feeling like we’re the only freak show at the circus versus feeling like we’re sitting right at the heartbeat of where we’re meant to be is the people we surround ourselves with. So we should aim to surround ourselves with people who get what we’re trying to do with our time on this planet, and why we want to do it. We should surround ourselves with people whose souls vibe with ours, who share those same intrinsic values, people who excite our spirit.

Another thing about finding your tribe is you get to see how other people mesh ambition with living authentically. If you’re surrounded by people who achieved the life they wanted through good grades and a university degree for example, you might think that’s the only way to get what you want. On an extremely simplified level, if the world you’re in only sees success as having money or status or acclaim, you might think money or status or acclaim is the only success there is.

However If you’re around people who blend life with work, passion, creativity, love and vocation, and you see that it is possible to do so- now you’re getting somewhere. Leaving what you know, setting your sights elsewhere doesn’t mean throwing away your ambition- if your passion aligns with your true purpose, you’ll actually be more driven and ambitious to create than ever before! Furthermore, you’ll be sooo satisfied.

Finding your tribe doesn’t mean hating the one you’re currently in, the one that doesn’t fit quite right. Love and accept them as the whole, beautiful beings they are. But maybe they’re just the friends you have nice times with on a Saturday night every now and then. Maybe you’ll never dissect the meaning of the universe with them or find out what makes them cry. Maybe that’s okay.

Finding your tribe means being honest with yourself about what kind of conversations, connections and social interactions feed your soul, not just your need to not be lonely. This can include finding podcasts from people like you, connecting with people like you online (Salty Queens unite!) or forcing yourself to go to new places and starting up conversations with people you vibe with there. But really, you don’t even have to make active work of it, really. We know how manifestation works.

You put a wish out there into the universe and watch how fast they come.

So do it. Take the plunge. Find the others. Find your tribe. And watch your life get exponentially better because of it. Never forget; “You are the average of 5 people we spent the most time with.” -Jim Rohn