When did you decide you weren’t good enough?
It likely happened when you were small. As kids we take on the projections of adults and the strange ways that people treat us and make it mean something about us, inherently, as humans.
We make it all mean that we are not good, worthy or loveable. Take your pick. We then grow, and somewhere along the line this belief gets buried so deep that we think there actually is something wrong with us. The belief of “I’m not good enough” or “I’m unworthy/unloveable” gets played out in all sorts of ways. The biggest way is and always will be our relationships with other people as this is how these beliefs came to us in the first place.
Six months, years or even hours into a love story we begin spewing our unconscious shit at each other, projecting exactly what the other person fears. Makes the classic love story a little less romantic, huh? If we are subconsciously terrified of being left, we will attract flakey partners who do just that. Dreading the day someone gets close enough to look under your rug and see all the things you are hiding? You will attract partners who keep their distance, and will push the attentive ones away.
If we believe that we are not worthy of security, we will experience insecure connections. We will be attracted to those who don’t want us or find those who do want us to be boring.
What if we believe that love is hard? Then love will be hard. If we believe we are not worthy of love, love will forever dance across the room, out of our reach.
Want some tough love?
Relationships are crystal clear mirrors.
How we feel about ourselves is directly reflected into what kind of partner we attract.
How we show up in our relationships shines a light on how we show up for ourselves.
We are only needy to the capacity that our needs aren’t being met. Our partner will only believe our needs are important when we believe our needs are important.
The kind of partners we attract, the health of our relationships and our capacity to give and receive love are all dependent on how much we love ourselves.
Our capacity for receiving love, commitment and goodness in a relationship is a reflection of how loveable, worthy and good we believe we are.
We can only receive what we believe to be true.
We are only as loveable as we think.
When we realize that we can never control anyone else’s experience in a relationship, we are left with only ourselves.
Take the time to sit across the table from your limiting beliefs. Have a cup of coffee with your fears and and unconscious self-sabotaging stories and you will quickly realize this: the only person getting in the way of your ability to receive genuine love is you.
Stand eye-to-eye with how you feel about yourself and realize; you are the only person who believes you are unloveable.
Only when we dive into this feeling and find where it starts, do we recognize that it was never real, or meaningful to begin with, because we made it real. We made it mean something.
Only then do we acknowledge that there was never anything wrong with us in the first place. The most beautiful love you can have, will forever be the love you fall into with yourself.
You are more loveable, and more loved, than you could ever imagine.